Category Archives: Exercise

June 13, 2011 · 8:55 am

Small “b” Bravery: Have You Got it?

The word bravery conjures up images of capes, tights, and super heroes whose parts—muscles or mammaries—rival overinflated balloons.  It is typically used to describe remarkable acts and heroic feats, particularly those which relate to physical strength or military might.

As a result, bravery seems largely inaccessible—a virtue reserved for the average person presented with unthinkable circumstances, such as hurricane Katrina, or to heroes whose stories—real or fabricated—seem remote or even irrelevant to our daily lives.  Because really, when was the last time you needed to escape from a marauding band of warriors?  Or to settle a dispute with your neighbor while wearing chain mail?

Even though hand-to-hand combat seems more barbaric than laudable in these modern, technologically saturated times, life regularly calls for ordinary bravery—the kind of gritty chutzpah or pluck required to survive the quotidian.

Bravery of this flavor is subtle and understated; it is a deep pulse that carries us onward and steadies us as we face life’s less dramatic waves.  Woven into the concepts of flexibility and perseverance, this small “b” bravery helps us befriend the notion that change comes not through grand gestures or sweeping declarations, but through slow and deliberate practice.

Sometimes we confuse bravery with stoicism; we tell ourselves to buck up or snap out of it because we believe this is the strong thing to do—the thing that will reinstate a sense of control or make us feel powerful.  And yet denying our experience doesn’t take much bravery; it’s actually quite easy to press fast-forward and hide from ourselves or the reality of life.

The more courageous route would be to acknowledge the feelings or thoughts, even those that are unpleasant or so-called negative, and to examine them a bit.  Do they nest in our stomach or our shoulders?  What do they tell us?  And how can we learn from them?

Bravery may be a cake walk when others are watching; we can easily fulfill public promises and do ourselves proud.  But when we are only in the company of ourselves, when we occupy a single bed or a table for one, does our mettle begin to melt?  Do we find it hard to follow through on our intention to take better care of our bodies, or to turn off the ever-buzzing media so that we come to know the landscape of our own vantage point?  Are we able to confront a history that we’d just as soon forget, or to shun a cultural imperative that is clearly detrimental to our lives?

Unlike its swashbuckling, big “B” cousin, psychological bravery can slip by unnoticed and unappreciated; it doesn’t make headlines or win us any awards.  But there’s something precious about this dark horse of a quality, because it tethers us to meaning, purpose and dignity—to the most essential parts of who we are.

And it doesn’t call for chain mail.  Which is a win in my book.

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What does bravery mean to you?  And when have you been most brave?

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This post is part of the Self Discovery, Word by Word series.  Interested in participating?  Click here to find out how.

 

 

 

Photo credits:  1. Rainy Monday; 2.  dank1012, both via Flickr’s Creative Commons License.

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Filed under Being Authentic, Dieting, Eating Disorders, Exercise, Self Care, Uncategorized

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March 10, 2011 · 3:27 pm

When Weight Loss Doesn’t Equal Happiness

Spring break:  sunny beaches and tanned, oily bodies.  Or, if you’re in the Rocky Mountains like me, snow-covered daffodils pushing through dark, frosty earth.

My toes have scarcely seen the outside of a boot, much less the hot sand of a beach, in many months.  And though I don’t have plans to don a swimsuit any time soon (brrrrr!), the diet industry knows: summer is around the corner.  Which means pedicures and waxing and anxiety aplenty.

The “Shape up for summer!” ads are unavoidable, as are infinitesimal bikinis, which dangle, tauntingly, from sales racks.  Many of us fear that our winter sloth will soon be made known, as generous winter clothing gives way to the scant cuts of summer.

Though it may seem counterintuitive, anxiety about size and shape is only partially related to appearance. Many of us believe that happiness is assured if we downsize our bodies or tone up our flab.  And in the short term, this may be true–particularly if our overall confidence is ample, our sense of self grounded and secure.

But eventually, those doubts and fears may creep back and wrap themselves around our brains once again.  Particularly if what we are dealing with (or, as it may be, not actually dealing with) is something unyielding and unresponsive to the quick fix of weight loss, something we can’t outrun, no matter how many hours we log on the treadmill.

That something may be shame. And if it is the subterranean source of our discontent, then the real issue boils down to this:  No matter what we do, we are never good enough.

Self-acceptance is always 5 (or 50) pounds away.  We imagine that it will magically present itself after we run the next marathon or lose enough weight to finally wear that dress in the back of our closet.

And yet.  That future, and our happiness, never materialize.

We’ve been taught that self-improvement is noble and laudable; in fact this notion is central to the American dream and our cultural identity.  But at times our efforts go too far, and we find ourselves on a hamster wheel of perpetual betterment—seeking always, always, to evolve into a new, better version of ourselves.

Sadly, this means that we will never reach the mountaintop and proclaim, “I did it!”  Because there is no point which represents completion or satisfaction; there is no respite from the tenacious and self-propelling shame.

In order to offset the current seasonal onslaught of pro-dieting messages, I’ve decided to start a weekly series called “Change Your Thoughts, Not Your Thighs!” in which I offer a tip on (yup, you guessed it) how to improve your body image. And, as you would also likely guess (you guys are so smart!), the tips relate to accepting what is, as opposed to changing your size and shape.  Because rock-hard abs only get you so far.  (And what’s wrong with some pillowy softness, anyway?)

Stay tuned.

Photo by Patent and the Pantry via Flickr’s Creative Commons License.

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Filed under Body Image, Body Love, Change Your Thoughts Not Your Thighs (Tip of the Week), Dieting, Eating Disorders, Exercise, Uncategorized

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December 1, 2010 · 1:30 pm

What if Exercise Doesn’t Pay Off as We Predict?

What’s the most American thing about America?  Aside from apple pie or the military- industrial complex, it may be the idea that we can achieve anything we set out to do; the sense that we are entitled to succeed if we work hard enough.  This notion is predicated on control, in particular our belief that internal factors (e.g., effort) should trump external circumstances, because the individual has ultimate control over her life.  And to some extent, and in some cases, this is true.  We’ve all heard of the successful child who, despite incredible odds, survives the horrific and ends up thriving.

But biology plays a role, as do environmental factors over which our influence is useless.  A recent New York Times article detailed a Finnish study in which some participants failed to make expected gains in cardiovascular fitness and strength, even after sustained effort.  Such results can prove upsetting, especially given our blind faith in internal control.  And our desire to control our bodies.

Read more about the study and its cultural implications on my blog at Psych Central, The Dish and the Spoon:  Food and the Family.

Also, take a look at today’s thoughtful post on Nourishing the Soul.  In it, Ashley writes about therapist self-disclosure, particularly around the issue of eating disorders.  She kindly references my post on the topic, and describes the benefits and pitfalls of knowing about a therapist’s past.  And she’s interested in hearing what you think, so vote in the poll if you’re so inclined.  I plan to revisit the topic soon, as well, so stay tuned!

Photo by Alain Limoges via Flick’s Creative Commons License.

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November 29, 2010 · 7:13 am

The MILF, her Post-Pregnancy Body, and Existential Angst

It’s hard to get through a week without reading about a celebrity who has recently given birth and—ta dah!—dropped all those pesky pounds to get her pre-baby body back.  Like three days after giving birth.

We seem to find joy in the idea that celebrities actually put on weight during pregnancy (maybe they are just like us, after all!), and resent it when they take it off so quickly (on second thought, they are a totally different species).  Most of us can’t rebound as fast, because we are busy actually caring for our babies.  We don’t have a live-in nanny or chef or personal trainer or butler or baby-nose wiper.  Many of us can barely stay awake to do the laundry, let alone whittle our waistlines.

Why is it so important that we get back to our original size, anyway? There has been a fundamental shift in our lives, because there is a NEW PERSON on the planet.  Our lives will never—can never—be the same.  And lest we forget about this profound alteration in the course of things, a shrill, bird-like cry will remind us.  At all hours of the night.

Several things seem to underlie the idea that we should reclaim our pre-baby body.  First is the inaccurate perception that our bodies are static and immutable.  Despite the presence of homeostasis, we are perpetually changing and adapting.  It would be more logical to fear stagnation than change, as stagnation accompanies death.  Our bodies have grown and birthed a child; is it not okay that they reflect this wonder? (Notice I didn’t say miracle, a term that makes me break out in sweat.  But if you’ve participated in or watched a birth, it’s hard to escape the word wonder.)

On another level, our difficulty with change might relate to an existential fear of getting older and, ultimately, dying.  Change, as manifested by sagging skin, extra fat, or lines on our face, bothers us.  Perhaps it indicates that we are not in charge, that time marches on despite our best efforts to apply the brakes. The issue of control is at stake, and we are clearly losing the battle if we can’t make our bodies look as they did when we were 16.  Or at least 25.

Third, although there is a holiday dedicated uniquely to us, complete with an aisle full of schmaltzy cards, the arrival of motherhood may bring an uneasy shift in identity. Whereas we are necessary and needed by our brood, the rest of the world may not find us as, well, relevant.

Many of us will spend more time at home and have less interaction with the non-domestic sphere.  When we see women our age in the media, they are often cleaning a toilet or driving a mini-van. Or perhaps they are drinking wine at a rare girls’ night out, with their hair freshly (and surprisingly) washed.  (Or wait, maybe that was my weekend.  Who can remember anymore?)

Regardless, it should come as no surprise that we—individually and as a culture—have difficulty with the idea that mothers are sexual and sexy; we feel like we’re supposed to give up that part of ourselves when the stork arrives on our doorstep, and, in fact, our culture nearly demands that we do so.

We might consider the term MILF as illustrative of this point.  If you are unfamiliar with its meaning, please google it.  I can’t bring myself to spell it out here, partly because it makes me cringe, and partly because my parents faithfully read my blog.  (Hi, mom and dad.)

Anyway, why in the world does this term even exist?  Is it so hard to believe a mother would be sexually desirable that we had to develop an acronym?  Is she such an exception to the general rule of motherhood, with all its priggish, frumpy associations?

I have never heard of a FILF.  Perhaps this is because fatherhood isn’t thought to affect a man’s sexual appeal.  In fact, many of us swoon when we see a man with a wee babe in arms.  So if anything, parenthood may help a man get laid.

Although we could easily assume that our discomfort with the post-baby body exists for superficial reasons (e.g., wanting to fit back into all those clothes), like most things related to appearance, the real story is about the symbolic: what it means to be heavier, more substantial, or fatter than we used to be. Fat, after all, is not inherently bad or ugly; it is not reviled across all cultures, which means that it is our particular interpretation which renders it unpalatable.

If our society placed more value on mothers and the (unpaid) work we do, then perhaps we wouldn’t feel the need to revert to our youthful figures.  We could be large, full and happy.

But we’d probably still have to clean toilets.

Photo by Ed Yourdon via Flickr under a Creative Commons License.

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Filed under Body Image, Body Love, Exercise, Feminism, Motherhood, Pregnancy

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November 26, 2010 · 10:07 am

Dealing with the Guilt of Overeating

So, things didn’t go exactly as you’d hoped at Thanksgiving?  Maybe had a bit too much stuffing or an extra piece (or three) of pumpkin pie?

For many of us, the immediate pleasure we derive from food becomes guilt in the aftermath.  We may wake up wondering, Why did I let this happen? Again?

Initially, this guilt may appear useful, as it motivates us (and the other 72 people vying for that elliptical) to get to the gym or to eat less. But guilt is rarely helpful as a long-term strategy for behavior change, and it can actually perpetuate the problem from which it originated.

We see this in the pattern of compulsive overeating: people overeat, feel guilty about doing so, and then eat again in an effort to assuage the guilt.  Eating is used as a way to cope with painful situations or feelings, but, as almost anyone can tell you, it doesn’t work. And this vicious cycle can lead to profound depression and isolation.

Guilt is also associated with yo-yo dieting and bulimia.  Both of these patterns involve vacillation between deprivation and overindulgence.  People eat more than they feel they should, and then feel terribly guilty. Subsequently, they vow never to overeat again and enter into deprivation—through dieting, purging, or excessive and punitive exercise—as a way to lose the weight and vanquish the guilt.

For a short time, there is a sense of pride at being able to maintain this level of discipline and control.  But most people can only stand the deprivation for so long before overindulgence comes knocking: I deserve this pint of ice cream, I’ve been so good all week! For those stuck in this pattern, one pint turns into a night-long (or week-long) binge.  And then you-know-who shows up—our old foe, Mr. Guilt.

The lesson here?  Beating yourself up doesn’t usually lead to long-term changes in lifestyle. And making a global attribution about yourself based upon a single instance of behavior (e.g., seeing yourself as glutinous or bad because you overate), can make you feel worse and sabotage plans for self-care.

As an alternate strategy, you might try engaging in positive self-talk about your body.  Cut yourself some slack and remember that taking care of yourself—emotionally and physically—involves respect for who you are and how you look.  You might even dare to give thanks for your body in all its wonder, since it’s that time of year and all.

Cross-posted at Psych Central: The Dish and the Spoon

Creative Commons License photo credit: therichardlife

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Filed under Body Image, Body Love, Dieting, Exercise

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