Category Archives: Eating Disorders

June 21, 2011 · 9:08 am

Yee Haw! The Roundup on Bravery (SDWW)

It’s rodeo time here in Santa Fe, which means bulls and barrels and roundups aplenty.  But today, I’m thinking about a roundup of a different kind, since I’ve had the honor of hosting this month’s Self-Discovery, Word by Word series.  Today, thanks to all of these layered, wise, and soul-searching posts, I’m thinking about bravery.

Bravery, as you’ll see, looks different for each of us; its particulars vary in accordance with who we are, how we live, what we need.  And yet many of us have sought to embody bravery for the same purpose: to value and present our authentic selves; to tolerate and find comfort within the very real delineations of our identity.

(Who knew it took so much courage just to be real?)

Thanks again to all those who took the time to craft such beautiful posts.  Happy reading!

Bravery in Unexpected Places  (by Weightless)

Confidence Takes Courage (by Health for the Whole Self)

Bravery: A Little Every Day (by Mind, Body & Scroll)

On Feeling Small and Learning to be Brave (by Medicinal Marzipan)

Bravery and OCPD (by The Writing Goddess)

One Brave Little Soul (by Nourishing the Soul)

I Never Thought I was Brave (by Voice in Recovery)

It Takes Guts to be Your Kind of Awesome (by Looking in the Mirror)

On Bravery: Why Jumping out of Planes is Easy (by Cynosure)

What Bravery Means to Me (by Chibi Jeebs & the Neurotic Struggle)

Bravery (by Girl Before a Mirror)

The Bravest Thing (by Handprint Soul)

Brave Enough (by Recovery, PJ Style)

Bravery: Self Discovery, Word by Word (by Butter and Barbells)

From the Therapist’s Chair:  Seeing Extrardinary Bravery (by Healthy Balanced Life)

To learn more about Self-Discovery, Word by Word, including how to participate in upcoming months, visit Dr. Ashley Solomon at Nourishing the Soul.

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Filed under Being Authentic, Body Love, Dieting, Eating Disorders, Relationships, Self Care, Uncategorized

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June 13, 2011 · 8:55 am

Small “b” Bravery: Have You Got it?

The word bravery conjures up images of capes, tights, and super heroes whose parts—muscles or mammaries—rival overinflated balloons.  It is typically used to describe remarkable acts and heroic feats, particularly those which relate to physical strength or military might.

As a result, bravery seems largely inaccessible—a virtue reserved for the average person presented with unthinkable circumstances, such as hurricane Katrina, or to heroes whose stories—real or fabricated—seem remote or even irrelevant to our daily lives.  Because really, when was the last time you needed to escape from a marauding band of warriors?  Or to settle a dispute with your neighbor while wearing chain mail?

Even though hand-to-hand combat seems more barbaric than laudable in these modern, technologically saturated times, life regularly calls for ordinary bravery—the kind of gritty chutzpah or pluck required to survive the quotidian.

Bravery of this flavor is subtle and understated; it is a deep pulse that carries us onward and steadies us as we face life’s less dramatic waves.  Woven into the concepts of flexibility and perseverance, this small “b” bravery helps us befriend the notion that change comes not through grand gestures or sweeping declarations, but through slow and deliberate practice.

Sometimes we confuse bravery with stoicism; we tell ourselves to buck up or snap out of it because we believe this is the strong thing to do—the thing that will reinstate a sense of control or make us feel powerful.  And yet denying our experience doesn’t take much bravery; it’s actually quite easy to press fast-forward and hide from ourselves or the reality of life.

The more courageous route would be to acknowledge the feelings or thoughts, even those that are unpleasant or so-called negative, and to examine them a bit.  Do they nest in our stomach or our shoulders?  What do they tell us?  And how can we learn from them?

Bravery may be a cake walk when others are watching; we can easily fulfill public promises and do ourselves proud.  But when we are only in the company of ourselves, when we occupy a single bed or a table for one, does our mettle begin to melt?  Do we find it hard to follow through on our intention to take better care of our bodies, or to turn off the ever-buzzing media so that we come to know the landscape of our own vantage point?  Are we able to confront a history that we’d just as soon forget, or to shun a cultural imperative that is clearly detrimental to our lives?

Unlike its swashbuckling, big “B” cousin, psychological bravery can slip by unnoticed and unappreciated; it doesn’t make headlines or win us any awards.  But there’s something precious about this dark horse of a quality, because it tethers us to meaning, purpose and dignity—to the most essential parts of who we are.

And it doesn’t call for chain mail.  Which is a win in my book.

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What does bravery mean to you?  And when have you been most brave?

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This post is part of the Self Discovery, Word by Word series.  Interested in participating?  Click here to find out how.

 

 

 

Photo credits:  1. Rainy Monday; 2.  dank1012, both via Flickr’s Creative Commons License.

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Filed under Being Authentic, Dieting, Eating Disorders, Exercise, Self Care, Uncategorized

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May 17, 2011 · 5:46 am

Should We Be at War with Obesity?

A recent study by researchers at Yale’s Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity suggests that news outlets frequently utilize images which portray obese individuals in a stigmatizing manner–unprofessionally dressed, at unflattering angels, or eating junk food.

File this one under “Duh.”

Though unsurprising, axiomatic studies like this one serve an important purpose: They speak to our culture’s profound fear of obesity, and they remind us that we might rightly be shocked by such degrading and dehumanizing depictions.  As it is, a large number of us will fail to see the prejudice and hatred which fuel the use of these images, because we’ve come to see obese individuals as “symbols of an epidemic rather than valued members of society,” explains Rebecca Puhl, one of the study’s authors.

What if overweight individuals were photographed in a positive way like this?

Our unchecked loathing of obesity can be found lurking in ostensibly benign places, such as conversations about health, wellness, and fitness.  Yes, it sounds like we’re talking about biology—such as the number on the scale or how we fare on measures of cardiovascular fitness.  But underneath our words are fierce currents of hatred and shame, because being fat conjures up an entire debate about morality and personal responsibility; science is not easily divorced from the cultural deification of thinness.

To be fair, the rise in childhood obesity and its associated sequalae, such as diabetes, is rightly concerning.  But what we’re learning is that shame-based tactics don’t contribute to the reduction of weight, on a personal or aggregate level.  Another study by the same authors at Yale, including principle investigator Rebecca Puhl, found that individuals who internalize the stigma of being overweight are less likely to lose weight.  As she explained in a recent Hartford Courant article by William Weir, “When [people are] stigmatized by their weight, they’re more likely to engage in unhealthy eating.  Stigma is a form of stress and a common coping method is eating food.”

The take-home?  Negative portrayals of obese individuals don’t encourage people to eat healthier and to lose weight.  If anything, such images are more likely to reduce the self-esteem of obese individuals, which then creates a disincentive to engage in self-care and, in particular, healthy eating.

All this calls into question a recent initiative by the San Antonio school board to photograph the lunch trays of school children before and after they’ve eaten.  The aim, which sounds laudable enough, is to reduce obesity and to improve dietary habits.

Yet such an approach doesn’t empower children to make healthy choices when it comes to food.  Rather, it relies upon the fear of being found out—of knowing that your dietary peccadilloes will be recorded by a camera and then communicated to your parents.  As if the cafeteria weren’t challenging enough already–with its nuanced social interactions related to where and with whom you sit, and peer-to-peer evaluation of the contents of your tray, now mom and dad—and the school board!—have a surrogate set of eyes in the lunch room.  What pressure!  What shame!

It’s hard to identify a front on which we are winning the war on obesity.  And it certainly feels as though we are engaged in a war; just ask Michelle Obama, who has catapulted obesity from mere enemy of the people, to enemy of the state.

Perhaps it is because we have drawn upon military analogies and strategies that we have failed so miserably.  When we choose to attack obesity, we are really declaring war upon ourselves:  our genetics, our predilection to eat more than we physically need, our emotional hunger (which is often mistaken for physical hunger), and the very real human tendency to struggle with moderation on a variety of fronts.

And then there are the variables frequently neglected in the discussion of obesity and weight, those like ethnicity, religion, and gender.  It’s unclear how we can win a war on obesity if doing so means asking people to relinquish an essential part of their cultural, religious or regional identity—a part that involves eating foods which may be low in nutritional value but nonetheless steeped in tradition and ritual.  Any attempt to eradicate obesity must necessarily consider the very real issue of socioeconomic status and class affiliation, as well.

We might consider abandoning our military strategy—and the underlying prejudice regarding weight—in favor of the Health at Every Size (HAES) approach.  HAES democratizes the concept of health, and purports that it is available to all.  It is a philosophy based more on acceptance, and working within existing parameters, than on pushing untenable weight loss efforts (which usually fail, anyway).  Such a shift would encourage us to develop a healthy relationship with all foods—the good and the bad—and with our bodies: one based on self-care and thoughtfulness, rather than fear of being watched, photographed, or teased.

Sadly, the war on obesity has become the war on the obese.  Our culture’s articulated and tacit fear of fat often drives health initiatives regarding weight loss, which likely reduces the impact of such efforts and marginalizes an increasing number of Americans.

Surely, we can do better, on metrics of equality and simple kindness, as well as health.

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Do you think the war on obesity has gone too far, in that it targets people, rather than the problem itself?  And should we be more accepting of a diversity of sizes?

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Photo by lululemon athletica via Flickr’s Creative Commons.


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April 15, 2011 · 7:03 am

Media Literacy: You Are Not a Butcher (Change Your Thoughts, Not Your Thighs!)

Welcome to my weekly series, “Change Your Thoughts, Not Your Thighs!”  Read on for tips about how to transform body image without changing your size or shape.  And check back every Friday for more ideas.  Or, better yet, subscribe by email or RSS, so that you get body-loving goodness delivered right to you!

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If you’re struggling with body image, it’s likely that you have something in common with the local butcher.  You probably see the world much like he does, by evaluating legs and thighs, breasts and backs, to determine the fat to muscle ratio and to decide which parts measure up, as well as which parts fail.  But unlike the butcher, who performs such assessment only on expired animals waiting to be cleaved, you are doing it to your own body–to your physical home.

When we consider the images surrounding us, it’s not surprising that so many of us think this way; pictures of faceless women depicted only by their parts—parts we’re supposed to covet, or parts we’re supposed to loathe–are ubiquitous.   Trim thighs, dimpled thighs, muscled stomachs, muffin tops—we see the gamut.

For some with acute body image concerns, the only answer is to severely limit media exposure–to cancel subscriptions to fashion and tabloid magazines and cut out most commercial television and cinema.  But given the scope of advertising and the fact that we can be reached nearly anywhere, this solution is somewhat short-sighted.

Just last weekend, I was confronted by a plastic surgeon’s advertisement in the restroom of a restaurant where I ate dinner.  “Feeling a little fugly?” * asked text superimposed onto predictable photos of a (headless) body, ample “before” and much reduced “after.”  I was horrified by this mean-spirited ad, which glared at me from beneath a protective plexiglass cover on the wall.  How many women had lost their appetite after seeing it, and returned to the table reeling in shame?  How many left the bathroom feeling they were no longer entitled to eat that chocolate cake they’d just ordered?

Since we cannot entirely avoid the far-reaching arm of the media, we need a way to deal with it, to defuse its messages so that they lose their power.  One way to do this is to concentrate on the market forces that underlie these images–the fact that money is the primary driver–and to acknowledge that advertising is ultimately about increasing profits through manipulation and pressure.  When we hate our bodies, we are playing right into the hands of money-grubbing industries which both fuel our negative thoughts and then profit immensely from them.  Advertising works because we forget this, or we trick ourselves into believing that we aren’t susceptible to its powerful sway.  News flash:  We are.  How else do you think that legions of people came up with the idea that thin is hot and fat is not?

Second, we need to hone our skills in media literacy so that we understand what—besides that little floral dress or tub of wrinkle cream—is really being hocked.  Typically, ads hope to convince us that we’ll be getting not just the product we purchase, but a set of accompanying intangibles: love, eternal youth, freedom from anxiety or depression, success, happiness, an elevation in social status, and the envy of our peers.  So how could you say no to that bottle of shampoo, when it comes with all that!

Beautiful friends and a boat--yours with the purchase of Tommy Hilfiger!

Another technique involves assessing our reaction to the images we encounter.  It can be incredibly liberating to look at an ad and say, “Is my skin really so awful that I need to buy that high-dollar cream, or is this slick ad working its magic on me?  Would I find those hard-earned lines around my eyes so problematic if I weren’t staring at her airbrushed, impossibly pore-less face?”

Sometimes we buy women’s magazines because it’s fun to look through them—to see clothes that are more fantastic than pragmatic, and to witness the theatrics of fashion.  Or we adore the nuggets of compelling content interspersed in the sea of ads.

If we have fairly good body image, such exposure can be harmless, particularly if we remind ourselves that the images we witness are only weakly tied to reality.  But if we find ourselves experiencing the dark and detrimental effects of advertising, then it’s time to step back and take stock of our media consumption.  Are we overdoing it?  Do we need to spend less time flipping through glossy magazines, and more time interacting with the very real—and varied—women who surround us?  Has our focus on “problem areas” distracted us from the fact that, unlike chickens, our value doesn’t derive from the size of our breasts?

Because unless you’re making sausage, there’s no need to think like a butcher.  And that blood-stained apron is so last year.

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How are you affected by the use of body parts in advertising?  And do you try to limit your exposure to the media?

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Most of you have likely seen this, but if not, here is Dove’s powerful (and quick) demonstration of what it takes to go from au naturel to camera-ready.  (With a little help from the trusty computer, of course, just to ensure that our standards are truly unrealistic.)

* In case you are over the age of 14, or otherwise totally uncool, fugly is a combination of the f-word and ugly.  Charming, I know.

Photo Credits 1. sheffieldhammer via Flickr’s Creative Commons License; 2. source.

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Filed under Body Image, Body Love, Change Your Thoughts Not Your Thighs (Tip of the Week), Dieting, Eating Disorders, Media

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April 1, 2011 · 8:30 am

Self-Compassion: An Antidote to Negative Body Image (Change Your Thoughts, Not Your Thighs!)

Welcome to the third post of my weekly series, “Change Your Thoughts, Not Your Thighs!”  Read on for tips about how to transform body image without changing your size or shape.  And check back every Friday for more ideas.  Or, better yet, subscribe by email or RSS, so that you get body-loving goodness delivered right to you!

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Poor body image tends to take root in neglected soil. We are most susceptible to it when we’re in a compromised state—when we have failed (or been rendered unable) to attend to our emotional or physical needs.  Tired, cranky, lonely, angry, hungry: these are the conditions in which negative body image thrives.

Often, we have taken better care of others, over the long course of years, than we have of ourselves.  Some of us have refined both the act of tending to loved ones and the act of neglecting ourselves.  In fact, it may feel downright selfish to think of nurturing our bodies and our psyches in the way that we would a child, partner or friend.  Because doing so violates the job description we’ve conjured up in our heads—the one that drives our behavior and tells us how we’re supposed to act.

If we are accustomed to neglecting or downplaying our needs, it’s likely because we’ve told ourselves that we don’t require much care–that our purpose is to be there for others.  Alternately, we might believe that we’re not worthy of such care or cultivation.  Either way, this type of self-neglect or self-denial usually indicates that we are very good at something else—being hard on ourselves.

Wondering if this applies to you?  The easiest way to find out is by taking stock of your self-talk–listening to the voice that narrates your days and swims around your head–to determine whether it is friend or foe. Are you quick to find fault with yourself?  Do you judge, criticize and condemn yourself, even for infractions anyone else would consider benign?  Do you berate yourself for overeating, missing a workout, or failing to have the “perfect” body?

Keep a log of these critical thoughts, so that you can learn to recognize that voice.  The goal is to replace those stale, recurring thoughts with new ones—thoughts that are grounded in present-day reality, and which reflect an ethos of self-care.  For example, instead of beating yourself up for not making it to the gym, you might remind yourself that you are juggling an awful lot, and give yourself credit for accomplishing all that you do.  You won’t necessarily feel joyful as a result, but at least you won’t end up in a pit of shame.  (Because if you sink that low, it’s hard to climb your way out.  And you’re unlikely to reach your original goal of getting to the gym since you’ll be depleted from all that emotional self-flagellation.)

Clients often tell me that they don’t want to give up the self-critical voice, because they believe that it keeps them motivated and productive. Being compassionate or easy on themselves, they fear, will make them idle, fat, or unsuccessful.   And if I try to convince them otherwise, they see me as an impossibly cheesy therapist—one who couldn’t possibly understand that, underneath it all, they are truly flawed, lazy, and good-for-nothing.

But now I have research to back me up.  That’s right, there is data to support the idea that harsh self-criticism does not lead to health or wellness, and in fact, the opposite may be true.  As an article from the New York Times explains, “The research suggests that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health. People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic. Preliminary data suggest that self-compassion can even influence how much we eat and may help some people lose weight.”

Rather than putting you at a disadvantage, then, being kind to yourself might actually help you reach your health and fitness goals.  And because self-esteem is highly correlated with body image, if you feel better about yourself (which is likely if you practice self-compassion), then you’re likely to feel better about your body, too.

Next time that critical voice starts in on one of its tirades, recognize it for what it is, and counter it with a more compassionate one. Just as building a muscle takes patience and practice, so does changing a thought pattern.  But if you can alter your response, and build that mental muscle, then you might feel stronger than ever.  Even if you don’t hit the gym.

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So what do you think?  Are you willing to give it a go, to try to disarm that self-critical voice and adopt a more compassionate one?

And check Virginia Sole-Smith’s new post at Never Say Diet. She interviews Jean Fain, author of the new book, the Self-Compassion Diet, which is all about–you guessed it–being self-compassionate!

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